The Donkey Party is Over

Part 11 of 12: Carter to H.W. Bush

The Republican Party dominated presidential politics from Lincoln right up to FDR, losing only 4 of 18 elections. The Democrats won 7 of the next 9 elections. The 10th and 11th elections were won by Nixon, who fucked up the entire executive branch of government by casting a shadow of corruption over the presidency. Seriously, all Carter had to do was not fuck things up, and Democrats could have run the country until the end of time...

James Earl Carter, Jr. (Governor, Democrat) 1977-1981 (1 full term) VP: Walter Mondale; FL: wife Rosalynn

... But Carter fucked up big time. It took him 3 years to figure out how presidenting worked. No one in Washington liked, or really respected him, even prominent members of his own party. He is the embodiment of good intentions backed up by less than zero political ability. By the time he got his footing, he had already pissed off everyone, started a gas shortage, and got a bunch of people kidnapped. At least he won a Nobel Prize, eventually.

Ronald Wilson Reagan (Governor, Republican) 1981-1989 (2 full terms) VP: George Bush; FL: wife Nancy

Had Reagan not spent the 20’s dreaming about becoming a movie star, he might have noticed that President Coolidge spent his time in office spending and deregulating the country into the Great Depression. Reagan, like Coolidge, was wildly popular, but he was all talk. Anyone can look at a calendar and claim Reagan freed the hostages in Iran and ended the Cold War, but look closer, and you’ll see that it's probable Reagan was barely aware of what was going on around him. All that tough talk people attribute to Reagan was just Hollywood grand standing, and if the Russians weren’t so weak to begin with, the Soviet Union would never have fallen. Despite rumors to the contrary, Reagan was not a great president. He was a great Republican, and his party has every right to credit him with pulling them out of the gutter.

George Herbert Walker Bush (VP, Republican) 1989-1993 (1 full term) VP: Dan Quayle; FL: wife Barbara

For all the flack he gets for flip-flopping on “read my lips,” Bush was an amazing half a president. His tax policy was just one example of his inability to lead at home. His foreign policy, however, was unmatched. His strong, wise leadership helped transition the world out of the Cold War. The man marched an international coalition into a a foreign nation that hadn’t declared war on any of them, and left without destabilizing the entire region. That takes cojones. That’s the double-edged sword of modern presidential politics. You can be a brilliant leader of the free world, but if you can’t match that by being the loving father of the US, you won’t get re-elected.

Next Up – Clinton to Obama: The Shit You Actually Remember

I Love Supporting Actors: Wallace Shawn

You know, this guy:
Notable Roles:

Vizzini - "The Princess Bride"

Mr. Wendell Hall - "Clueless"

Rex - "Toy Story 1, 2, 3-D"

Stuart Best - "Murphy Brown"



Why He's Awesome:

He was fucking Vizzini. I could stop there, but you know I won't. "Inconceivable." That's a ten cent word he single-handedly added to the general vernacular. In and of itself, it's not that funny a word, but his delivery hits it out of the park. Amazing. No one dies of iocane poison like Wallace Shawn. Because of him, we all know the two classic blunders (never get caught in a land ward in Asia, and never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.) After working steadily for the next eight years, he comes back with another classic and totally different character, as the lovably hopeless Mr. Hall in the "Clueless" movie and TV series. I cannot think of a better match for Amy Heckerling's go-to gal Twink Caplan.

His best known voice work is Rex in the "Toy Story" movies, but that distinctive delivery of his can be heard all over the modern animated world from "The Incredibles" to "Chicken Little" to "Happily N'ever After" to "Family Guy" to, yes, "The Princess Bride" video game.

My favorite Wallace Shawn role, though, is a series of four guest spots he did on Murphy Brown as Stuart Best (possibly the best fictional name ever, combining ex-Beatles Stuart Sutcliffe and Pete Best). He plays a former FYI reporter, kicked off the show for being AMAZINGLY annoying. He even has his obnoxious, semi-folksy catch phrase, "That's alls I know." In his second appearance on the show, he wins a seat in the House of Representatives, and subsequently embarrasses Murphy at the inauguration. She gets her revenge by inviting him on the show to share his views, of which she knows he has none. Turns out, he was bankrolled by white supremacists. If you haven't seen the episode "The Best and Not-So Brightest" from the seventh season, I won't ruin it for you.

You'd Be Surprised to Learn:

He's a fairly successful playwright, having won several Off-Broadway awards. A troupe doing one of his plays beat my high school out of the finals at the Massachusetts High School Drama Guild One-Act Play Festival, and I'm still bitter about it. Also, today's his birthday.

Check out his imdb page.

Facebook Etiquette - Part 3

Part 3 - Comments

Commenting is maybe the diciest part of Facebook. As I pointed out in Part 2, Facebook makes everyone think all status updates are up for discussion. Hell, the internet now seems to be all about discussions. Videos, pictures, articles, everything has a comments section. Commenting is an easy way to connect with other people without having to come up with the topic of discussion. To avoid confrontation, a few things to think about before you hit "reply."

It's the poster's house, respect it - When I post something, it's like I'm hosting a mini-party. The item will show up on all my friends feeds, and those who decide to comment will be kept up to date on every subsequent comment. Since I'm the one who posted in the first place, the gathering of ideas is my event, and my responsibility if you start becoming an asshole. Before you post, keep in mind the conversation isn't yours, it's mine. If you want the conversation to be yours, start a new thread in your own space.

Read the status update carefully - Put yourself in the poster's shoes. Does this person really want to start a conversation? Is the poster looking for sympathy? Did the poster say something to elicit a response in any way? Or was the poster just rattling off nonsense cuz he or she was bored. Remember, every time you comment, someone's going to get an annoying e-mail about it.

Read the other comments first - If someone else has already said what you're thinking, you don't really need to say anything. If it's something you feel REALLY passionate about, go ahead and post that you've "Agreed" and maybe clarify a little more. Before you do, though, keep in mind that your comment will get e-mailed to all the other commenters. That can get annoying.

Ask yourself, "Do I need to comment on this?" - A great improv teacher once told me, "Before you enter a scene, ask yourself, 'Am I really adding to the scene, or do I just think this scene could use some Vitamin Me?'" Ask yourself that before you decide to comment. Are you really adding to the conversation, or are you just trying to get attention? If you're not adding to the conversation, you're just annoying, and seriously disrespecting my house. You don't NEED to comment on anything, so before you do, ask yourself why you feel the need to inject yourself. Seriously, is whatever you have to add to the conversation worth even the possibility someone could find it annoying?

Know when to take it to private messages - This goes for commenters and posters alike. The moment you get frustrated, take it to a private message. If the comments have evolved (or devolved) into a conversation involving only a couple of the commenters, start a private message thread. If someone's getting annoying and you don't want to delete the comment, send a private message with a polite request that the person stop, without having to embarrass the commenter in public. They taught me in film school, "Praise in public, scold in private." If your friend can't stand to be privately, politely asked to give it a rest, it may be time to look for the "Remove from Friends" button.

Okay, that's it. I've been stewing over this for several months now, and it feel good to get it all on paper-esque.

Facebook Etiquette - Part 2

Part 2 - Status Updates

Say what you want about Twitter and Facebook, there actually is a market for people to post their thoughts 24/7. Most people don't want to know if anyone cares, they just want to feel like they're reaching out to someone. That's fair. However, to avoid unnecessary fights, let's try to keep the following things in mind.

Potential employers will -- not might -- read everything you post - Whether you believe this or not, you should always think about that before you post. This will prevent you from posting anything too offensive or vulgar. Most importantly, it will remind you that if you post negative things about your job while at your job, they're well within their rights to fire you. But won't that limit our ability to express ourselves? Yes, yes it will. Just keep in mind, while you have the right to say whatever you want, the more out there you go, the more you risk the consequences. Your words have consequences. They teach you that in kindergarten.

You can't always determine tone over the internet - Someone's Facebook status a little while ago was that someone needs to come up with a sarcasm font. Sarcasm definitely doesn't read across the internet, but the same goes for thousands of other human emotions and forms of expression. When you write something, you have a clear tone of voice in your head, but as most of us aren't professional writers, that tone rarely if ever come across exactly the way you wanted it to. Misunderstandings will happen over the internet, they just will. Before you get pissed off at someone, pick up the phone, or at the very least send a private message asking for clarification. Is the tiny bit of embarrassment that comes with asking for an explanation really worse than sparking off a fight with a good friend?

Posting an unpopular opinion will start a conversation, always - "I think the Beatles suck." okay... "I'm all for war, let's go kill foreigners." right... "Barack Obama was definitely born in Kenya, and if you disagree, you can suck it." wait... "I'm starting to question the merits of public health care." You might as well follow each of these up with the phrase "Please discuss." Going out on a limb and voicing an unpopular opinion might bring out a few people that agree with you, but to get to them, you have to sift through a sea of dissenters. If you don't expect the dissenters, you're going to get defensive. The more aggressive your tone, the more dissenters you'll get. So before you get pissed at all the comments calling you a douche bag, go back and read what you wrote, you maybe were just looking to pick a fight.

People may disagree with you, if you don't want to hear it, don't post your opinions publicly - This is sort of an addendum to the last one. If you post an opinion of any kind, people will respond. Facebook is built to start conversations. That's why you can comment on EVERYTHING. Even if your status is "My, the sun feels good today," someone could have an opinion. You should know by now that Facebook is a tool for multi-way communication, and if you don't want people commenting on your thoughts, don't say them out loud (yes, posting on the internet and saying them aloud are the same thing)

It's ok to just delete comments - I once had a mailing list that got out of control, and when I tried to ask people to stop hitting Reply All, they thought I was kidding around, so they kept doing it. A good friend told me I should have just ignored it. Responding, no matter how constructive you think your response is, will always perpetuate it. If the comments on your status update, or note, or whatever, get too long, just let it alone. And if things get really annoying, just delete the comments. It's ok. It really is. If you make it known that you delete comments in general, it's easier when you have to do it. Deleting a comment says without saying that the comment was irrelevant, inappropriate, or in any way undesired. If the commenter has any common sense, they'll get it, and you've just saved that person and yourself an annoying Facebook confrontation.

Speaking of comments, that's what Part 3 will be about.

Facebook Etiquette - Part 1

Part 1 - Introduction

Oh Facebook. You've given the world such a platform for millions of people who just 500 years ago would have been shot just for opening their mouths. Speaking of freedom of speech, what does that mean anyway:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

God, who doesn't love that First Amendment. It means anyone can say whatever they want, whenever, they want without fear of retribution, right? WRONG, and fuck you for thinking that. The First Amendment just means the government is not allowed to institutionalize censorship. The noun in that sentence is Congress, not regular people. If you say something stupid or offensive, my freedom of speech gives me the same right right to call you an idiot asshole as you do to say stupid shit in the first place. The moral of this story, "If you say something stupid, people will think you're stupid. You can't hide behind the internet."

What's that you say, you don't care what people think? Of course you do. We all see through your bullshit. When you say you don't care what people think, what you really mean to say is, "I can't admit when I'm wrong." Of course you care what people think, that's why you're posting on the internet in the first place. You want people to agree with you, or pity you, or give you any sort of positive attention. You care so much what people think that you take your innermost thoughts and post them in a general forum. That's why I'm writing this right now. I feel like everyone on Facebook is insane and I want someone to fucking agree with me.

The web gives people "internet balls." If someone's pissing you off in life, more often than not, you stay quiet and deal with it. People don't like confrontation; it's awkward to be around. On the internet, though, you can post your opinion, then walk away. The response isn't immediate. You can be passive-aggressive and hide behind deniability because it will be hours, even days before someone calls you out, if ever. The people you affect through Facebook are miles away, so it's hard to give a crap about how anyone's going to feel about what you say.

What's that you say? Aren't I doing that very thing right now? Clearly, every opinion I'm voicing right now comes from some incident or another, and by not naming names, aren't I just playing the passive-aggressive game? Yes, of course I am. The difference is that this is my site, my blog, and I'm not going to link to it on Facebook, or anywhere for that matter. I will say, though, that if you think anything I write on this topic is the result of anger toward you, it's not. I feel I'm just putting my frustration in positive directions, in hopes that at least one person starts a conversation about Facebook etiquette. I feel no ill will toward anyone, I just wish we were all on the same page.

If you disagree with anything I've said or will say, feel free to comment. If I disagree with you, I'll just delete your comment. I'm not Congress, I can do it if I want.